"Evening"...

                                                       -Evening-


            "The sky puts on the darkening blue coat held for it by a row of ancient trees; you watch: and the lands grow distant in your sight, one journeying to heaven, one that falls;

 and leave you, not at home in either one, not quite so still and dark as the darkened houses, not calling to eterity with the passion of what becomes a star each night, and rises;

and leave you (inexpressibly to unravel) your life, with its immensity and fear, so that, now bounded, now immeasurable, it is alternately stone in you and star."

                                                                               -Rainer Maria Rilke-

Waking up...

        
           These past few weeks I've done quite a bit of thinking. I turned eighteen on the 18th of August and the thought of being a legal adult kind of made me stumble back a few steps. I'd have to really start acting like one and not just how I acted, but the decisions I would have to make that would effect my future. For years I had longed for the day I would turn eighteen but mostly for one reason. Reason being, that I wouldn't be forced to speak to my biological father ever again so since that thought was so huge I barely even glanced at everything else being eighteen meant. Now being eighteen and having made the massive decision(after praying about it for years) to disconnect from my biological father...what next? What am I going to do with my life now that I'm no longer a child? Yes, I'm still very young, but a child...no. I feel that God has called me to be a stay at home wife/mother but... what until then? What if it's a few years till Mr. Right comes into my life, what then? I never thought that that would be a question I wouldn't be able to answer right away. I started to be annoyed that I wasn't one of those people that were sure of what they wanted such as those who hungered to become doctors, lawyers, chefs, etc. I wanted a passion like theirs. I wanted to do something, work hard at something, and love every second of it. Why couldn't I be one of those people? Why was I the 18 year girl who didn't know what she wanted to do? Sadly I'm still in that cloudy funk. lol I feel like I've been sleeping and have just been awoken. Everything seems like it has a hazy film over it. I'm praying for direction and trying to silence my impatient soul as I wait on my Heavenly Father to give me some sort of answer. While I'm waiting and trying to figure everything out, I've been reading my driving book so that I can get my drivers license. I've been tossing around a few ideas of where I'd like to apply for a job and have narrowed it down to two places. I wish that I lived near a small bookstore. I would love having that job. Walking into the store every morning letting the scent of books grace my nose, making me feel high as I inhale them. Mmm, it'd be absolutely perfect. But, it looks to be that Barnes&Noble will be my best choice, instead of my happy imaginary small book store. ;) lol
   I conclusion to this post I'd like to quote a poem by my favorite poet.

  -The Wait-

"It is life in slow motion,
it's the heart in reverse,
it's a hope-and-a-half:
too much and too little at once

It's a train that suddenly
stops with no station around,
and we can hear the cricket,
and, leaning out the carriage

door, we vainly contemplate
a wind we feel that stirs the blooming meadows, the meadows
made imaginary by this stop."

                                 -Rilke-

It's been awhile.

          Hey guys. Sorry I haven't written in awhile. I know that my last blog post was slightly depressing. lol
Life has been crazy and yet at a stand still if you know what I mean. Dad comes back home from Tech School in less than 5 weeks and we're all trying not to go crazy until then. ;) Summer has made the situation much more tolerable though. The bright sunlight and the warmth of the season has been incredible beings I felt like I'd be frozen in the ice of Winter forever! Many times during the last few cold days did I take longer pulling the cloths out of the dryer and maybe leaning a lil farther into the dryer than I should have been. Or purposely pulling the bread out of the oven with the pass of a senior turtle, but that okay! Because it helped me not freeze and kept my teeth from chattering. lol
   Today I was able to get even more skin color while I was outside. Problem is, the front of my body is darker than the back. o.O Guess that's what you get when you sit in a chair for a long period of time and don't let the back of your legs get some sun too? lol ;) But laying on the grass on your stomach always makes me nervous. Laying on your back, sure no problem I'm completely comfortable. Laying on your stomach? Ehh...Bugs are on the ground. little moving bugs. Bugs that can oh-so-easily crawl into your ear. o.O No thanks! lol So, I very rarely do that. Standing with my back to the sun might be my best bet. lol Anyways, at least I've removed myself from the marshmallow category and my skin is now a pretty cinnamon color. :) Well I don't have much else to say but I wanted to write something. Have a goodnight <3 Oh, btw! I took the picture above a few days ago. Isn't it pretty? Gotta love the Idaho sky!

My Dad...

                   
                                                                  ...My Dad...

            <3...Father in Heaven...it hurts, this pain inside of me. There are moments when I feel as though I can hardly breath. He has to leave, I know it's what is right. But my tears want to escape and, them I constantly fight. I avoid his eyes, and try to be strong. I close up, even though I know it's wrong.
                    He's the angel God sent to me. The protector of my family. He is my daddy, the one whom I look up to and love more than life itself. He's who I go to when I need help. His shoulder has been there to catch my tears, during all of these years.
                   His blood does not run through my veins and we don't look the same. But I am more his than anyone elses...
                You must leave, but I know you'll return. While you are gone there are things I will learn. I'll be okay, but I'll miss you more than ever. But the bond we have, will never sever...<3

I said noooo ma'am. Don't do that. o.O

  Up above are two of my silly sisters. If you can't tell, they are a tad bit michevious. lol As the oldest sister, I always have at least one eye on them at all times. These two are partners in crime. You can always see them exchange these looks. You know the looks that one gives his/her partner when they've just got a scathingly brillant idea? Well these two share those looks often. lol They are still little, but I have a feeling as they grow they will be the two little joksters in the family. ;)
  I love each and every one of my sisters very much. I still remember being 7 years old and praying, "I just want a brother or a sister. Doesn't matter which one! Please God! Can I just have one, please?" lol A month after I turned 8, I became big sister to 2! (God heard and answered me. At that point I thought it might have been all of the pennies I threw into the little ponds with the fake frogs that spit out water at the Mall. After all the penny prayers, He had finally heard me! :D lol) A boy and a girl. My sister was born from my mother and my brother, born from my Step-Mother. Sadly I don't see my half siblings from my biological father. But let me tell you, I was the happiest little girl when I became a big sister. I suddenly felt older. I felt like I would do absolutely anything to protect my siblings. I still feel like that to this day. I would do anything for my sisters. I've also learned how much I effect them. How much they look up to me. I remember awhile back, I was scurring around the house trying to pick a few things up. I wasn't paying attention and rammed my foot right into the door frame. The word that escaped my mouth wasn't completly awful, but I try not to use it even in anger. "Darnit!" I said under my breath. I remember trying not to think about my throbbing foot at I wobbled out of the room to hear my tiniest sister say in the smallest/fairy like voice, the word I had just let slide out of my mouth. I froze and looked over to see her grinning and giggling at me. "Dear God, help me control my mouth..." was the very next thing that entered through my mind. I suddenly couldn't feel the pain in my foot because all that was passing through my mind was what my smallest sister had just repeated. I could hear her giggling still. The giggling of her being proud of herself because she had just said what I had. She was happy to be acting like me. I quickly hobbled over to her and knelt down infront of her and told her not to say that word, that I shouldn't have either, and that I was sorry. She smiled and nodded at me and went back to playing.
  You never know how much you effect someone, just simply by being in there life. You can effect their whole entire future, if they really look up to you. I've learned so much by having sisters, and being the oldest. So much that will help me out when I end up having children of my own, if God allows. I thank my Mama for having let me help out with the little ones as much as she has. I pray that God gives me leads me in my actions because I know that no matter how old I get, I will always have my little sisters watching me. I pray that I can help mold them into God-fearing young women as I journey down that very same road. :)

Welcome! Take your shoes off ;)

                                                     Welcome to my new blog!
Hey guys! Welcome to my new virtual home. This is where I am going to write about my journey to become the best God fearing young woman I can be as I wait/prepare myself for my husband. On this blog I will share with you my goals, the struggles I'll have with trying to perfect them, and the exciting moments if I am able too! lol
Coming from a southern Cajun family I am used to laughter, and the closeness of family and with that, mine will be the same. So I invite y'all to laugh and become family with me as I travel down the path I feel God has chosen for me. Again, welcome! :D