יום שישי הטוב .....

 ( Hebrew ) "יום שישי הטוב ..." = "Good Friday"....

I was a cradle Catholic, which in other words means that from infancy on up I was Catholic. I am no longer one, but that is a whole other blog post. Good Friday was always a huge deal because it was the Anniversary of the day Jesus gave His life for us. Today I am no longer Catholic, but it is still just as big a deal. Some have asked me, "How do you know that this is truly the day Jesus was crucified?" I honestly am not 100% positive that it is the exact day that he was crucified, but same as Christmas, I don't find it wrong to be thankful on that day. So even if today isn't the exact day that He died, I'm still going to think about and be even more thankful today........Jesus was scared about suffering to the extent He would, and dying the way He would....I don't think people think about the fact that He was human and had every emotion that we have. :( He had the immense fear that any man or woman would have within them from knowing that they were about to be tortured, mocked, and killed in the most horrific ways......Matthew 26: 39 "And he went a little further, and fell on His face, and prayed, saying, " O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt...."......He was scared....I think if we think about how difficult it was for Him to do what He did....it will make us even more thankful. He was God's Son, He very easily could've turned off the pain, killed/tortured every soldier that was there or hurt Him, or made it all stop with a single breath from His chest..........but He didn't........Thank you Jesus for everything you did and endured for us.....I have no words.....

-Slumber Song-

                                 ~Slumber Song~

                         "Some day, if I should ever lose you, will you be able then to go to sleep without me softly whispering above you like night air stirring in the linden tree? Without my waking here and watching and saying words as tender as eyelids that come to rest weightlessly upon your breast, upon your sleeping limbs, upon your lips?
  Without my touching you and leaving you alone with what is yours, like a summer garden that is overflowing with masses of melissa and star-anise?"


                                                                                            ~Rainer Maria Rilke~
           
          

Linger...

 

       Life can move so fast that you feel as though you can't catch your breath. It can whip by and around you with such speed and intensity that all you comprehend is the blurriness of it all.  But then there are sometimes in life where you're at a stand still. Life feels frozen and you're right in the center of the ice, waiting for it to defrost. Just waiting for it to start up again....My life recently has been a mixture of what I described above. One moment moving so fast I can hardly catch my breath and the next moment I'm frozen right where I am...

    My favorite moments in life are those where you are pulled to linger within them. The moments that pull you to stay exactly where you are, whether they are sad or happy. They are moments that are so intense and real that you almost feel like you can't move. I remember the last time my grandfather drove me to school. I wasn't always home schooled and most of the time I went to public school, my grandfather brought and picked me up. I remember how I would be ready to leave in the morning and he would tease me to hurry up as he finished readying himself. *chuckles* I remember riding in the car and watching kids walking to school and my grandpa would say with his thick Cajun accent , "Aren't you happy that God has blessed us with such a nice car so that you don't have to walk to school like those children?" But I remember thinking, But walking to school looks fun...(lol) I took those times for granted. Even as my grandpa's health started to decline he still brought and picked me up from school because he wanted too. God, I miss him...He was an incredible man and a whole other blog post, but the last time he brought me to school was a time I wished to linger in for a few extra moments...I also remember when I was little, seven I think and I got into a car accident with my parents. It was scary, that's my strongest memory. We got hit in our small car driving back from my aunt's, by a suburban. Mom was first pregnant with my first sister. I was practically asleep in the car when we got hit, and I've been told that my body being so relaxed helped me not to get hurt so bad. I got out of the car with a few bruises and a chunk bit out of my cheek. Gross, I know. lol I remember both mom and dad being strapped to a stretcher and put into an ambulance. I was terrified. Thankfully, nobody was hurt too badly. I remember when I saw mom again and found out that dad was alright. That was the linger moment. I just wanted to stay in that very moment with the comfort of knowing that she and dad were okay. 

  There are so many moments I could touch on in my life where I wished I could linger. Moments with my family, friends, people I care so very much for...but by now I'm sure you get the gist. lol 

  And yes as always, a little Rilke for the road *smiles and winks*

                            --You, you only, exist--

                                  "You, you only, exist

                              We pass away, till at last,

                              our passing is so immense

                          that you arise: beautiful moment,

                              in all your suddenness,

                           arising in love, or enchanted

                           in the contraction of work.

                            To you I belong, however

                           time may wear me away.

                      From you to you I go commanded."

                                                                               --Rainer Maria Rilke--

                          

                  

Stained Glass Window...

 

                                    

                         "Some days seem to fit together like a stained glass window. A hundred little pieces of different color and mood that, when combined, create a complete picture."

                                                                                          --Sam Roth: Shiver--

                                                             

 

 

Aaaand, I caught it too :(

         "Just one more sip," I told myself mentally as I used my pitiful amount of energy to lean over and grab my mug of ice water. I put the straw to my lips and had to force myself not to guzzle the incredible water. It felt so good as it entered my dry mouth and slid down  my burning throat. I leaned my head back slightly as to not upset my stomach even more and closed my eyes, praying to God for the stupid sickness to pass.
  That's how I spent my night last night, kneeling by my lovely toilet sipping my happy water and then only moments later throwing up... My little sister caught some virus and as time went on I didn't think I'd catch it. I was feeling pretty well and was trying to help take care of the sick people in my family that weren't as lucky as me. Then last night around seven p.m. my stomach took a turn for the worst and I didn't leave the bathroom for hours. :o It was like hell. Then I am brilliant earlier that day (heavy sarcasm. lol) and eat something spicy for lunch. So my throat decided to burn after each, umm, evacuation ;) Then once I'd sit back down, I would shake something awful and my eyes would just pour tears down my cheeks. Every other time I'd throw up in my life, I never cried so this really weirded me out a bit. lol In conclusion, my night was utterly miserable. I was finally able to lay down around 4 a.m. and thankfully only entered the bathroom a few times after that.  I just kept thinking what my mom had repeated to  me earlier that night, "This too shall pass. I promise that it will stop eventually!"  Now, I'm sitting up, not wanting to throw up(Thank God!), but my stomach hurts and I feel super weak. I'm sipping Gatorade and nibbling on a Saltine, happy that I've kept that down. I feel so bad for mama with all this. She is finally starting to feel better after having this, but he is still so weak. She's having to take care of us. It looks as though no one in this family will get away without catching this stupid virus, I'm just praying that Dad isn't next. :/ At least it won't last forever. As long as I'm not throwing up anymore, then I'll be alright. *shudders* Gosh, I really hate doing throwing up. lol
I hope y'all are all having a happy, puke free day! lol

...."Fire's Reflection"....

                                               -Fire's Reflection-

              "Perhaps it's no more than the fire's reflection on some piece of gleaming furniture that the child remembers so much later like a revelation.

           And if in his later life, one day wounds him like so many others, it's because he mistook some risk or other for a promise.
 
       Let's not forget the music, either, that soon had hauled him toward absence complicated by an overflowing heart..."

                                                                     ~Rainer Maria Rilke~

Today.....I wanted you so much, it hurt.

         Today was just like any day. I woke up. I ate breakfast. I took a shower. I got dressed. I went through the motions as each hour came my way. But today...I wanted him so much, it hurt.....
   By him I mean the one I feel God has for me as my Life Mate. The one I''m not sure I've yet had the pleasure of meeting. I say Life Mate because I don't believe in finding one's Soul Mate. Growing up I had always read about, or watched in movies how in life once you were of a certain age, you started to look for your soul mate. The one who fit you perfectly. As I've grown up, I've come to realize that there is no such thing as a Soul Mate right off the bat. Society has planted this perfect person in our head, one of great beauty and incredible compatibility. The thing is, yes you will find your mate (or future spouse) beautiful and you will have to be compatible, but not the way the world has described. I had read a fiction book about wolves and the wolves spoke of Life Mates instead of soul mates. The wolves spoke about finding the partner that they wanted to spend their life with, the wolf that would be the best mate to have by their side. I loved how the book described it, because the same thing applies to us humans. I'm not saying that a couple can't become Soul Mates, but you don't enter a relationship thinking that you've found yours. You have to grow and  become Soul Mates. For example, when a man meets a woman and falls in love with her and comes to care for her more deeply than any other, choosing to marry her, they choose then to become Life Mates. As time goes on they learn more and more about each other. They become more intricately woven into one another. Another way to explain it is like this: Have you ever heard of or seen those Fruit trees (I'll use the pear trees for this example) that some people grow that produce several different types of pears? I can't for the life of me think of what they are called, but think of the man who falls for the woman as one kind of pear tree and the woman he falls for, as the other pear tree. When they decide to marry they are planted together into the ground as two completely different and separate trees, producing different kinds of pears. But as time goes on their roots grow longer and deeper and their roots stretch and weave, wrapping themselves around each other. They started off as two different trees(and still are) but over time, they become one. If you were to pull them apart after a certain amount of time having grown together, then it would be tragic for the health of them both. Their roots are too intertwined together now and they have stretched and formed around each other, leaning on each other. The two trees have become one. The couple, has become Soul  Mates. That is why I don't believe in finding your soul mate, I believe that you become (over time spent together) a soul mate with the person you choose as your life mate.
  I find it interesting how I can miss someone so much, that I've never met. That I miss someone that I've never spent hours talking, laughing, or crying with. I find it amazing that I can love that someone so...immensely, that I can ache not having him near me and if he is, not knowing it...
  If you are or will become a reader of my Blog, you will quickly find out that I'm a huge fan of  Rainer Maria Rilke and will quote him quite often ;) lol As I am about to right now. I think this poem fits this post well. Have a happy night, to anyone who comes across this post.

                                               -The Lovers-

            "See how in their veins all becomes spirit: in each other they mature and grow, like axles, their forms tremblingly orbit, round which it whirls, bewitching and aglow. Thirsters, and they receive drink, watchers, and see; they receive sight. Let them into one another sink so as to endure each other outright."

                                                                                     ~Rilke~